COROS Corporate Announcement
COROS Wearables is excited to announce the hiring of professional Mountain-Ultra-Trail Runner Dom Grossman as the VP of Product and innovation.Dom has been a member of the COROS Pro Athlete team since 2018 and starts in his new role as a member of the COROS leadership team today.Dom has created the following firmware roadmap with updates set to release later this month–his announcement can be read in full below:
COROS Wearables is today announcing some extraordinary new updates for athletes that might make a big difference in their day to day lives.CEO Lewis Wu explains the new updates,“After working with hundreds of competitive athletes,the most glaring trend we realized is that they are extremely focused on their training…and almost nothing else.These new updates might be just what some athletes need to take their lives to the next level.”
Auto Alert–Talking too much about your next race
Using a sophisticated algorithm that senses hand waves,voice inflection,increased heart rate,and sighs from your friends,this alert will remind you to stop,breathe,and ask others how their weekend was.If the user forgets what to do next,the watch will vibrate and remind the user to“smile politely and nod.”
Sleep Tracker–Nightmare analysis
In the sleep tracker portion of the app,users will notice a new feature that give data on how many minutes were spent having nightmares about bonking,crashing into trees,flat tires,diarrhea,extreme chafing,getting lost,bear encounters,missing the start of a race,and that one guy that you know you can beat but always outsprints you right at the finish line!Argh!I hate that guy!
Auto Alert–Take a shower
Through extensive analysis,COROS has found a distinct correlation between peak training and athletes incorrectly thinking they don’t smell that bad.When stamina levels approach peak levels,the watch will repeatedly vibrate and flash:“SERIOUSLY!TAKE A SHOWER!DEODORANT AND A WET WIPE WILL NOT SUFFICE!”
HR Sensor–Mortal wound alert
Athletes focusing on weekly mileage or race goals have often been unable to notice injuries such as gashes to the head,failed kidneys,loss of motor skills,broken bones,severed arteries,and missing appendages.COROS has found that all of these injuries require immediate medical attention,and that athletes that have been reminded by someone mentioning“that really doesn’t look good”have a much higher chance of surviving a mortal wound.
Auto Alert–Hallucination reminder
With the release of UltraMax mode,COROS has noticed an uptick in erratic athlete behavior after days without sleep.Workouts and races that have lasted multiple days have resulted in athletes licking cactuses,petting sharks,delivering speeches to imaginary friends,and confusing bottles of glue with energy gels.Auto alert will remind athletes that have been on the go for longer than 24 hours to consider“is any of this real?”
With the new Treasure Hunt feature,COROS users will be delivered a new.GPX file each month which will lead to special prizes in their city.Run tracks will be at least 50k in length and could be as long as 100 miles with various terrain and vertical gain of at least 10,000 feet per run.Those lucky enough to complete the route first will find an exciting clue to an extra special COROS prize.The first Treasure Map will be released later today–April 1,2019.
COROS is certain,that these updates will help athletes function better in the real world.Whether it’s a saved relationship or a saved limb,COROS is committed to helping athletes reach their potential.
Happy April Fool’s Day from COROS!